My iTunes library is packed with odes dedicated to hard working boss chicks everywhere. Some of those songs include the Destiny’s Child classic “Independent Women,” Ne-Yo’s star studded remix featuring Jamie Foxx & Fabolous, “She Got Her Own,” and the poetic “Ambitious Girl” by Wale. As a fellow Ambitious Girl, I love hearing songs that celebrate the working woman but lately, I don’t see the same gracious attitudes I hear in songs like these reflecting in my dating life. When I heard Wale say, “I’m tryna fuck the shit outta your aspirations” or even “I like the person you are, but I’m more in love with the person you have potential to be” I thought there would be more men out there that showed love to the ambitious girl. You know…the type of man who would want to get to know a woman like me and appreciate that I want to accomplish something with my life. Yet, here I am singing along to my own sad tune by myself.
To quote my fictional idol, Carrie Bradshaw, from my beloved series, “Sex and the City,” “In New York, you’re always looking for a job, a boyfriend or an apartment.” But in my case I’m not even looking for a boyfriend. I’m just looking for a date. Luckily for me, I’m so thankful to be blessed with my own space and have my hands full with 2 jobs and an internship, it’s just my dating life that’s completely non-existent. In a world of full of 200 dollar dates, I can’t even get a guy to treat me to a happy meal. I’m surrounded by friends in long-term relationships and here I am single as a dollar. So it’s only natural to ask the essential question, “Yo, what the hell is wrong with you? ”
My first initial instinct is to blame myself and start questioning things. What am I doing that makes myself THAT undesirable to date? I can’t figure it out what it is, but something’s not adding up. How does a 23-year-old with 0 kids, 0 drama, 2 jobs, and 1 degree have everything but a date these days? Maybe I’m crazy but shouldn’t this be a prime time to start dating, especially because I’m young and want to see what’s out there? Am I more ugly than I thought? Does my breath stink and I’m not aware of it? Is it because my credit score could be a lot better? But then I couldn’t help but wonder, could it be that me being an ambitious girl is what ultimately holds me back?
As the Ambitious Girl, I should be proud of myself but on occasion I hear things that are somewhat discouraging for my outlook on my dating life:
A few times, I’ve heard from friends that I’m “too intimidating.” I find it hard to believe that me of all people can be “too intimidating” standing at 5’7″ and barely 125 pounds but , whatever. “You’re pretty and you’re outspoken, most guys are probably scared to approach you,” says one of my closest friends. I used to think my bold personality was part of my eccentric charm, but hey, what do I know?
A time I was dating someone occasionally I was once told, “You don’t have enough time for me. You’re always working.” Yeah, I keep myself busy but that doesn’t mean I can’t spend time with someone special when I am free. Essentially, we make time for things that we want. Is it because of my work schedule that guys are skeptical on squeezing a date here or there in between my work time?
Maybe it’s not actually me that’s the problem, maybe the problem is some guys don’t understand the ambitious girl. Well,here are just a few suggestions for those guys who are in pursuing the Ambitious Girl.
- Come correct or not at all.
The Ambitious Girl is not afraid to get what she wants. She is driven, determined, and strong and those same attitudes should reflect in the guy interested in her. A man in pursuit should have a similar steadfast attitude. If you’re too scare to pursue me, what does that say about how you approach other aspects of your life, like your goals. If you ever think for a second a woman like me is too intimidating, then I don’t need you. Stay your scary ass right where you are.
- No broke boys allowed.
In the past I’ve come across some men who weren’t as goal oriented as me, which is perfectly okay because some people have different paths and priorities in life. However, now that I’m a young adult aspiring to become a young professional, I’m looking to date someone with the same mindset. I’ve dealt with a few broke boys in the past and think it’s time for someone on the same level as me or even above. You are the company you keep and naturally I plan to surround myself with those who are moving forward, which should include the person I date. I need someone with their goals in order as a companion.
- I don’t NEED you, but I want you.
I’ve come across a lot of viewpoints on time spent with my male friends and being on social media. I’ve noticed that some men are opposed to spending certain amounts of money and time with women because they don’t feel we are “worthy” and have to “prove ourselves.” I shouldn’t have to prove myself to anyone. My work ethic and behavior speaks for itself. As an Ambitious Girl, I don’t expect anything from anyone that I don’t already demand in myself. Therefore, if you think I’m after a free meal or I’m a greedy opportunist, then you have me sadly mistaken. I can buy what I choose and go out wherever I want. I don’t think I have to prove myself worthy to be courted. I don’t see anything wrong with being treated once in a while by a gentleman and don’t think it’s necessary to prove my worth for it. I can write my own check boo, I don’t NEED yours.
I’m still trying to figure out life out and had no idea dating and dealing with men would be this much of a mystery. Not sure if a promising dating life is within my reach or not, but I know that my goals and aspirations very much are. If I have to compromise having a career as opposed to having a companion, this Ambitious Girl doesn’t mind walking on the pathway to more success by herself.
This post is dedicated to my other Ambitious Girls. “You’re somewhere, getting your life in order. So for this time being, I hope this open scribe might support her…support her, or work her, she worth it. Go girl.”