“I used to give a fuck, now I give a fuck less…”
Buddhism meets snarky sarcasm as JuGatti and I read “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck” for the month of June. Recommended to us by our readers, we dived into this hot self-help book just in time for summer. This read isn’t your typical self-help book, taking uncommon sense to another level with realistic approaches to live your best life in a writing style that’s full of profanity, but still profound. Written by blogger turned author, Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck was a combination of slightly inappropriate, yet surprisingly insightful and kept JuGatti and myself chuckling with every page turn. Turn to our book related Q&A below:
1. The books main focus is to get people to not give a fck more often, what’s one thing you think you can work on not caring about as much?
Manito: I can definitely work on telling people NO more often. I tend to extend myself too much because I like to make other people happy but there are times when that means making me less happy. One particular section of the book spoke to me which was “Rejection makes your life better” and I can totally see why now.
JuGatti: I have this thing where I’m a fake perfectionist. I feel as though all my ducks have to be in line or everything has to be in order before I do something. More often than not this usually hinders me. Spending so much time trying to perfect everything slows down the progress and can stunt the creative growth of my ideas. So I just need to say fck it and not care about how perfect it is and just release things. Figure everything else out as I go along forreal.
2. The book provided a lot of tough/harsh criticism, which critique resonated with you the most?
Manito: “You have to choose something. You can’t have a pain-free life. It can’t all be roses and unicorns all the time. Pleasure is the easy question. And pretty much all of us have a similar answer. The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?” One obvious point this book makes is we’re always going to have problems, tying in the Buddhist belief that “suffering is inevitable.” But life isn’t about having the solution to make every single problem go away, it’s more so choosing what to and not to give a fuck about. This spoke to me because since I became an adult, I’ve been thinking of how pleasures can fix my problems and not realizing I can’t hide from pain to ultimately solve them.
JuGatti: The chapter that resonated with me the most was definitely the one focused on ‘saying no.’ Often time I try to be Batman (because we don’t fool with superman around here) and save everybody. I try to make it to every single event or support every single movement, and if I don’t I get anxiety about it. I’m slowly learning that saying no doesn’t make me the Antichrist and I should make my well being a priority more often.
3. Name a time where family or friends gave you harsh criticism. What was it about and how did it help (or hurt) you?
Manito: My dad and I got into a huge argument one day and he told me I was “behind for a 24 year old.” First of all, I was 23 at the time, so I was mad he got my damn age wrong. But also, it hurt my feelings because I’m really trying to better myself whether it be financially, emotionally or spiritually. I’m already frustrated enough trying to get my feet off the ground and out of my parents house and he made me feel less than nothing, like nothing I do matters, like I didn’t get up every day and work two jobs I hated just to have it somewhat together. My dad’s big on tough love, and I need it sometimes but I didn’t feel like I needed to hear it at that moment.
JuGatti: I was in high school and I don’t even remember how the convo happen, I prolly got in trouble for something dumb like usual. Pops gave me the whole lecture on how being a man especially an African American man you gotta be tough to survive. I really wish I could remember the context of why this convo happen, I just know I was being soft about something and he sat me down on some look little nigga put some hair on that chest before the world chews you up and spits you out steez. Though I’m still a soft teddy bear (or Winnie the Pooh as Mani would say) I’m a more stand up type, chin up like homie from Baby Boy who they told “don’t flinch” teddy bear. Owe it all to OG Pops.
4. What’s an unpopular piece of advice that you tend to give?
Manito: As the single friend, I’m always telling my friends to leave their relationships when things are out of hand. I hate to seem like Miss Bitter-By-Herself or someone who gives up but I’m not one to stay around in a situation that leaves me constantly frustrated or in question, especially when everyone’s replaceable. I’m sure the typical Oprah approach to it would be to stay and work shit out but that’s never been me. Plus I must be doing something right in my singleness if they’re still calling me for advice, right?
JuGatti: An unpopular opinion I tend to give is actually something that was in the book also. It’s the whole spill about having to fail in order to succeed. I tell people you have to embrace those L’s as much as you celebrate the success. Nobody has life figured out, shit even the experts aren’t true experts. We all just throwing stuff to the walls hoping at least one or two things stick. It’s all trial and error with us just blindly bumping into the counter at 4am in the dark. So it’s cool to get the education, read the books, etc but what really will make you successful in life is your shortcomings and experiences. Like the great philosopher S. Carter said “sure books can guide you, but your heart defines you.”
5. The writer of this book was a blogger who turned into a best selling author, what platform do you want your blog to catapult you to?
Manito: I don’t know if I could see myself as an author in the future, writing a book seems like a lot, sometimes it takes me a while just to make a blog post. I do want to establish myself further as a writer with this blog, I think I’m pretty good at it, yall seem to like it. I don’t want to hide behind my words forever though. I want my love for hip-hop and my passion for tomboy fashion to take me a place where I don’t have to wake up and groan all the way to a job I hate. I want to build a brand with this, make myself a voice in this world, make my personality a star..all that good shit. I want to be part of what’s “moving the culture forward,” as the kids would say because I love it that much, whether it’s writing about it or whatever.
JuGatti: Aw man it’s so dope seeing fellow bloggers go on to broaden their platforms and branching out to things like becoming a best selling author as homie is who wrote this book. From my blog I want to create a network where it’s me and my peoples doing dope shit for the betterment of the world. Even giving my homies platforms to be able to get their dreams out. Such as if they want to start a sports podcast I can use my company to distribute it, a comic book series I can create a sector in Stoop Kidz for it to fall under. Essentially I want to use my blog to strengthen my brand so I can create this umbrella of different avenues for creatives like us.